Dying to be Dead Part 1 - Chapter 8 - Taking Your Work Home

Her mother had been a crack addict that abandoned her before her eleventh birthday, and there was never a father in her life that she could ever remember. Her very sanity and success was owed to foster parents who found it in their hearts to love her like she was their very own. They instilled the hope and self worth in her that she had always been lacking. Her life had turned around completely when she became a part of the Bradley family. Dr. Bradley knew she was headed down the wrong path in life just like Lana until her foster family cared enough to show her another way to live. She decided she needed to be that beacon of light for Lana. Lana saw two men approach her carrying wires and equipment. One of them started attaching electrodes to her body. She didn’t even have the strength to try and stop him. She only whimpered, “No, please.” That was all the protesting that she had the energy to do, not to mention that she was still fully restrained across a gurney. The men left the room and the bright light went out. She couldn’t see anything, but she could hear beeping sounds. Then suddenly she felt shocking sensations from the electrodes that were firmly attached to her body. It wasn’t really a strong painful feeling, but more of a dull aching sensation. “What do they expect to accomplish by doing this?” Lana asked herself. It was starting to scare her. 

Dr. Bradley was somewhat desperate and at her wits end when she resorted to shock therapy for Lana. She hadn't gotten any promising results from conventional methods she had previously tried. She knew it was risky. She had studied many research cases where patients who were unresponsive to other forms of treatment fared well to minor shock stimulation sessions. She regretted seeing the fear that masked Lana’s beautiful, delicate, young face. Tears were streaming down Lana’s face as she cried out for them to stop. She couldn't continue with the treatment. Dr. Bradley shut the machine down and immediately went into the room where Lana was strapped to the gurney. Electrodes were protruding from her like a haywire lab experiment. As she was pulling off the electrodes Lana was just crying and repeating the name “Gabriel”. Dr. Bradley knew far too well who the name belonged to. Lana was delusional and had created a being in her mind that loved her. She pulled away the straps that attached her wrists and ankles to the bed. Lana stopped crying and just stared blankly at Dr. Bradley. Lana’s stare was so lost and empty that it helped to set a decision in motion for the emotionally torn doctor. Dr. Bradley asked the orderlies to leave them alone for just a few minutes. A thought had been developing and nagging at the back of her mind for a while. She hadn’t decided to go through with it until this very moment. 

The look in Lana’s eyes told her that she was so near death and something drastic had to be done immediately. She knew in her heart that if nothing were done to avert this tragedy, Lana would be dead very soon. Lana was becoming so emaciated and pale. No one had been able to get a sufficient amount of food in her for some time now. Her appearance was getting to be a bit frightening. She was as pretty as ever, but very unhealthy looking. Lana’s grandmother had not been in to visit Lana in well over a month which was shortly after the time she signed the final papers for Lana to be committed to the hospital. “Lana, I’m going to do something that may seem unorthodox or maybe even a bit strange to you and also others as well. I want to take you to come live with me for a while. We will continue treatment, but not in the same way we have been doing things here. I feel you need my constant care, more than I am able to provide you here”, said Dr. Bradley. 

Lana’s first impression of Dr. Bradley’s penthouse was that it was very prim and proper, kind of sterile like the hospital, but more luxurious. She felt just as much out of place here as she did in the mental hospital. She had a hard time trying to understand Dr. Bradley. She couldn’t figure out the doctor’s intentions. Lana had learned early in life that nothing was ever as simple as it seemed. “She can’t be acting out of pure concern and care. There has to be a hidden agenda”, she thought. Lana regretted the fact that she had already opened up too much to Dr. Bradley.. She needed to be with Gabriel now. He could sweep her away from all of this confusion and sadness. She had been feeling so sick everyday now, Something that she hadn’t been able to shake off was taking over her body. She had been feeling it coming on for some time. Everyday she felt like it was getting easier and easier to make the choice not to go on living. She played it over and over in her mind. Cutting herself just enough to bleed out would do the trick. She fantasized about falling asleep and never waking up again so she wouldn’t have to feel all of the pain and loss anymore. Then she wouldn’t have to think about how she abandoned her mother Vivienne right when she needed her most. She hated the feeling of not being sure of her sanity. It terrified Lana to have doubts of Gabriel’s existence, that he may only be a figment of her grief stricken imagination like Dr. Bradley kept suggesting. She knew she would never be able to face that part of reality if it turned out to be so.

Case File # 11862

Attending Psychiatrist: Dr. Aurora Bradley

Subject: Lana Marie Kelly

Juvenile/ Age 16

Clinical Diagnosis: Trauma induced dementia with psychotic tendencies

Physician Comments:

Patient has made startling and dramatic improvement since there was a change in environment. Patient has been moved to a position of constant care by her attending psychiatrist, I, Dr. Bradley. She was signed into my personal care approximately two weeks ago. Personal progress has been made and I feel I have gained confidence of client. She has confided in me more and is going to be easier to treat when properly diagnosed with new surfacing evidence. Client seems to be suffering from evident physical ailments. It had previously been assumed that client was causing illness through cuttings, but from what I have witnessed, she does not seem to be inflicting harm upon herself. There has to be another explanation for these questionable occurrences.  Client has progressed positively in emotional state despite her physical lack of well being. Client has been diagnosed with acute anemia. It is uncontrolled and client is now undergoing regular blood transfusions. There is no evident surface reason for client’s physical disorder. Client will remain in my custody and personal care pending outcome of new official mental diagnosis. No full treatment option has as of yet been determined. 

Seventeen floors above the Corpus Christi skyline at night was a beautiful view to behold. Lana felt so uneasy here at Dr. Bradley’s penthouse. The city below looked so disconnected and far away. She could see lights twinkling everywhere, even across the blackened bay. Everything looked beautiful from this high up. Lana figured that this must be how it feels for the rich, looking down upon the commoners from their ivory towers in the sky. Everything in this penthouse was so modern looking and new. It made Lana uncomfortable. She missed the relaxed, comfortable splendor of Gabriel’s old southern hacienda. She longed to be there once. She longed to be there once more. “Why hasn’t he come for me since I came here?” She wondered. She feared that Dr. Bradley was really pushing Gabriel out of existence in her mind.