Dying to be Dead - Chapter 9 - Welcome Back

Gabriel Flung the poor fool without even a care as to where he fell to. He was finished with his meal and had no care to take pity in this dead one. He separated himself from that mortal weakness.  He had to because a conscience would be a costly hazard for his kind. He made himself come to realize that killing was a necessary evil for him. His victims must die, so that he may live on. He always tried to put no more thought into it than that. Into the cold city night Gabriel ventured out to find his Lana once more. Perched upon the meddling psychiatrist’s balcony railing, Gabriel waited there for a glimpse of his sweet girl. He decided to wait to retrieve her.. It had been over a month since he had held her in his arms and tasted the sweet nectar that pumped through her veins. It wouldn't be long before it was time to cross her over to be his midnight bride forever. This “doctor” would only be a minor inconvenience for them. He recognized the usual rhythm of his Lana’s heart. He leaned against the glass of the balcony window, but then backed away sharply. He had felt a calling within him. It brought an even heavier chill to his frigid body..

 “Not now! It couldn't be!” he thought as he turned away from the balcony window. 

Azazel had awakened from his quarter century slumber as quick as a flick of a light switch. He knew it was time, time to do something about Gabriel’s foolishness again. He had lost track for how many centuries he had been burdened with Gabriel’s antics now. Azazel remembered the beautiful young thing that Gabriel was when he first brought his fledgling over into darkness so very long ago. Azazel was instantly attracted to Gabriel’s careless passion for life. Gabriel seemed so alive and he brought everything around him to life. He added color to the endless darkness that engulfed everything that Azazel knew. He was attracted to him like a moth to a flame. In his repetitive existence, Gabriel had been his light at the end of a darkened tunnel.  The truth of the matter is Azazel knew he should have known better. He had seen this very thing happen with other immortals. He himself was a product of death’s evil hand. Through the passing of Azazel’s immortal gift to Gabriel’ he also passed something else unto him. He passed death unto Gabriel. Gabriel became that same empty shell that Azazel was far too familiar with himself. 

He suffered century upon century of Gabriel cavorting among the humans, trying to win them over with such sentimentalities that it made him sick. He allowed it for too long. It enraged Azazel that Gabriel could be so weak. He was weak to that warm, mortal flesh and envious of the lifeblood that pumped through their veins. Azazel hadn't any idea that the dark blood would change Gabriel so drastically. They had drifted apart over a century ago and Azazel had returned to his slumber from time to time, all the while hearing his blood child from within his temporary grave. He saw him as well within his mind’s eye. He could feel Gabriel’s hunger for life and adventure, his need to find enduring companionship. He felt his heartache and failures with lost loves and plaguing loneliness. Azazel stayed out of Gabriel’s way through many of Gabriel’s foolish games. He decided it was time to put an end to Gabriel’s foolishness. This girl was too young and he could see that Gabriel was making the same mistake that he had made so very long ago. Gabriel was crossing this girl into darkness to feed on the way she made him feel alive. Azazel wanted to see this woman child for himself. What was it in her besides her living soul that he so prized? Moving about was harder in this century. Mortals in this time were far more observant than in centuries past. By the look on the face of his first recent victim, he realized his look needed some touching up before he could be seen in the outright public eye.

He decided to put on this beggar’s clothes for now. His depression era knickers were no longer suitable. This change of clothing was filthy and disgusting, and looked very strange and baggy on him. He knew a bath would be in order to make him more presentable. Azazel walked out of the alleyway, looking like a dirty homeless man. He walked as mortals do for half a block until he came upon exactly what he’d been looking for. He stood directly in front of a two story apartment building. In a second story window he saw an attractive young man playing a guitar, sitting upon the window sill. He wasn't very good at guitar playing at all. It was the beauty of the young man that struck Azazel the most. It was a young one. He couldn't have been any older than maybe twenty. His skin was fair, like milk, but his hair was artificially black. It hung defiantly across half of his face. His clothes were tight on him in an almost feminine way. It was charming. It reminded him of his French garb of days gone by. Azazel stood there down at the curbside and called out to the young man. He did this without the necessity of one spoken word. Instantly the young man stopped playing his guitar and sat it down on the floor. He got up and walked away from the window out of sight. After only a couple of minutes, the door to this apartment building flung open and out came the young, pretty man. There was a completely glazed over look on his face. His obnoxious black hair fell over most of his face. He approached Azazel with open arms. Azazel’s talent for controlling mortal minds had not weakened with time.  If anything, it was stronger than ever. He gathered all the information that he thought he would need to know for this era in the mind of this young, susceptible victim. Kevin was beautiful alright, but easily manipulated. Azazel felt no pit for those who were so weak minded. Kevin lived in his upstairs apartment alone. It worked out to be very convenient for Azazel. He helped himself to a shower, shave, and wardrobe change. Azazel reveled in the conveniences that this modern time held. He appreciated that he could get a shower with hot water without heating it up by a fire, and how there were razors with plastic handles ready to use and then just throw away. When he was through with his hygiene regimen, he looked himself over in a full length mirror. “Welcome back”, he whispered. He admired the familiar face and felt that powerful ambiance once again. His blonde hair had grown to an outlandishly long length through his slumber, so he cut it to match poor Kevin’s style, short in the back and long bangs protruding into his face. He put on a pair of denim jeans that were bluer than the daytime sky he still remembered from so long ago. His shirt was black linen and skin tight. Although, it felt good pressed against his cold, hard chest. He looked himself over one more time, brushed the hair off to the side out of his eyes and knew that it was now time to go.

Dying to be Dead Part 1 - Chapter 8 - Taking Your Work Home

Her mother had been a crack addict that abandoned her before her eleventh birthday, and there was never a father in her life that she could ever remember. Her very sanity and success was owed to foster parents who found it in their hearts to love her like she was their very own. They instilled the hope and self worth in her that she had always been lacking. Her life had turned around completely when she became a part of the Bradley family. Dr. Bradley knew she was headed down the wrong path in life just like Lana until her foster family cared enough to show her another way to live. She decided she needed to be that beacon of light for Lana. Lana saw two men approach her carrying wires and equipment. One of them started attaching electrodes to her body. She didn’t even have the strength to try and stop him. She only whimpered, “No, please.” That was all the protesting that she had the energy to do, not to mention that she was still fully restrained across a gurney. The men left the room and the bright light went out. She couldn’t see anything, but she could hear beeping sounds. Then suddenly she felt shocking sensations from the electrodes that were firmly attached to her body. It wasn’t really a strong painful feeling, but more of a dull aching sensation. “What do they expect to accomplish by doing this?” Lana asked herself. It was starting to scare her. 

Dr. Bradley was somewhat desperate and at her wits end when she resorted to shock therapy for Lana. She hadn't gotten any promising results from conventional methods she had previously tried. She knew it was risky. She had studied many research cases where patients who were unresponsive to other forms of treatment fared well to minor shock stimulation sessions. She regretted seeing the fear that masked Lana’s beautiful, delicate, young face. Tears were streaming down Lana’s face as she cried out for them to stop. She couldn't continue with the treatment. Dr. Bradley shut the machine down and immediately went into the room where Lana was strapped to the gurney. Electrodes were protruding from her like a haywire lab experiment. As she was pulling off the electrodes Lana was just crying and repeating the name “Gabriel”. Dr. Bradley knew far too well who the name belonged to. Lana was delusional and had created a being in her mind that loved her. She pulled away the straps that attached her wrists and ankles to the bed. Lana stopped crying and just stared blankly at Dr. Bradley. Lana’s stare was so lost and empty that it helped to set a decision in motion for the emotionally torn doctor. Dr. Bradley asked the orderlies to leave them alone for just a few minutes. A thought had been developing and nagging at the back of her mind for a while. She hadn’t decided to go through with it until this very moment. 

The look in Lana’s eyes told her that she was so near death and something drastic had to be done immediately. She knew in her heart that if nothing were done to avert this tragedy, Lana would be dead very soon. Lana was becoming so emaciated and pale. No one had been able to get a sufficient amount of food in her for some time now. Her appearance was getting to be a bit frightening. She was as pretty as ever, but very unhealthy looking. Lana’s grandmother had not been in to visit Lana in well over a month which was shortly after the time she signed the final papers for Lana to be committed to the hospital. “Lana, I’m going to do something that may seem unorthodox or maybe even a bit strange to you and also others as well. I want to take you to come live with me for a while. We will continue treatment, but not in the same way we have been doing things here. I feel you need my constant care, more than I am able to provide you here”, said Dr. Bradley. 

Lana’s first impression of Dr. Bradley’s penthouse was that it was very prim and proper, kind of sterile like the hospital, but more luxurious. She felt just as much out of place here as she did in the mental hospital. She had a hard time trying to understand Dr. Bradley. She couldn’t figure out the doctor’s intentions. Lana had learned early in life that nothing was ever as simple as it seemed. “She can’t be acting out of pure concern and care. There has to be a hidden agenda”, she thought. Lana regretted the fact that she had already opened up too much to Dr. Bradley.. She needed to be with Gabriel now. He could sweep her away from all of this confusion and sadness. She had been feeling so sick everyday now, Something that she hadn’t been able to shake off was taking over her body. She had been feeling it coming on for some time. Everyday she felt like it was getting easier and easier to make the choice not to go on living. She played it over and over in her mind. Cutting herself just enough to bleed out would do the trick. She fantasized about falling asleep and never waking up again so she wouldn’t have to feel all of the pain and loss anymore. Then she wouldn’t have to think about how she abandoned her mother Vivienne right when she needed her most. She hated the feeling of not being sure of her sanity. It terrified Lana to have doubts of Gabriel’s existence, that he may only be a figment of her grief stricken imagination like Dr. Bradley kept suggesting. She knew she would never be able to face that part of reality if it turned out to be so.

Case File # 11862

Attending Psychiatrist: Dr. Aurora Bradley

Subject: Lana Marie Kelly

Juvenile/ Age 16

Clinical Diagnosis: Trauma induced dementia with psychotic tendencies

Physician Comments:

Patient has made startling and dramatic improvement since there was a change in environment. Patient has been moved to a position of constant care by her attending psychiatrist, I, Dr. Bradley. She was signed into my personal care approximately two weeks ago. Personal progress has been made and I feel I have gained confidence of client. She has confided in me more and is going to be easier to treat when properly diagnosed with new surfacing evidence. Client seems to be suffering from evident physical ailments. It had previously been assumed that client was causing illness through cuttings, but from what I have witnessed, she does not seem to be inflicting harm upon herself. There has to be another explanation for these questionable occurrences.  Client has progressed positively in emotional state despite her physical lack of well being. Client has been diagnosed with acute anemia. It is uncontrolled and client is now undergoing regular blood transfusions. There is no evident surface reason for client’s physical disorder. Client will remain in my custody and personal care pending outcome of new official mental diagnosis. No full treatment option has as of yet been determined. 

Seventeen floors above the Corpus Christi skyline at night was a beautiful view to behold. Lana felt so uneasy here at Dr. Bradley’s penthouse. The city below looked so disconnected and far away. She could see lights twinkling everywhere, even across the blackened bay. Everything looked beautiful from this high up. Lana figured that this must be how it feels for the rich, looking down upon the commoners from their ivory towers in the sky. Everything in this penthouse was so modern looking and new. It made Lana uncomfortable. She missed the relaxed, comfortable splendor of Gabriel’s old southern hacienda. She longed to be there once. She longed to be there once more. “Why hasn’t he come for me since I came here?” She wondered. She feared that Dr. Bradley was really pushing Gabriel out of existence in her mind.

Dying to be Dead Part 1 - Chapter 7 - The Searing Light of Day

With his renewed vigor Gabriel was back at his hacienda within minutes. He rushed in to find Lana sleeping right where he had asked Isaac to leave her. She looked like a china doll in the satin gown he’d laid out for her to wear. He yearned to hold her, to feel her frail human warmth. She was fast asleep, asleep like the dead. Her breathing was shallow, her heart audibly slower, and not the slightest stirring did she make. It was becoming obvious to him that the small blood kisses he’d been taking from Lana were really starting to have an effect on her health. He didn’t regret answering her call. Her thoughts told him what needed to be done. Her mother was no more. Her stepfather was predictably easy to pin the blame on, and even easier to dispose of. She would be all his soon enough.

The first morning rays of searing sunlight cut through the blinds of Lana’s hospital room like an axe through wood. She felt the burn immediately. The pain was so excruciating, like poking hot needles all over her body. She did the best she could to muster up the strength to pull the cover up over her head. All she was able to do was scream in utter agony. Suddenly an alarm sounded and the pitch of the noise shot through her ears like bullets. She sensed several people nearing her room. She had no idea how she knew this. She hadn’t heard anyone coming. She just felt them. When two women entered the room, she pleaded with them to close the blinds securely. They were two nurses who had probably come to sedate her. The nicer of the two conceded. The meaner and older of the two stuck a needle in Lana’s thigh faster than Lana was able to stop her. Lana instantly felt her eyelids getting heavy. She was struggling to win a losing battle for consciousness. The old nurse glared at Lana and was relieved to see her eyes rolling back as she fell back into deep sleep. Lana awoke to a darkened room. She was restrained across a gurney. Suddenly, a bright light shone above her blindingly. It reminded her of an operating room light. This light didn’t burn her like sunlight had been lately. The way the light was shining directly above her made the rest of the room around her look very dark.

Dr. Bradley gave the orderlies the go ahead to attach electrodes to Lana’s body. The doctor was still groggy from the fainting spell she had the night before. She thought about the last thing she remembered doing that night. She remembered looking in on Lana and noticing the most peculiar mist seeping in under the doorway where Lana was at. Then she remembered feeling very cold after that, and she noticed that the mist was rolling in under the door of the room she was in. It got very thick, like a dense fog, and she could no longer see into where Lana was or anything that wasn’t directly in front of her. She tried to move towards the door and that’s when she blacked out. She recalled how embarrassing it was to be discovered laid out cold on the floor by two orderlies at the change of their shift. She feared there would be talk of it all over the hospital facility. It was even more disheartening for Dr. Bradley to learn that Lana turned up missing from the secured observation room, and was found in the early morning asleep on the roof of the facility. Dr. Bradley was at a loss to figure out how Lana was able to escape the locked observation room. She had the key on her the whole time, and there had been no sign of forced entry in or out of the room. She shuddered to think of what Lana was planning to do on the rooftop. Dr. Bradley was determined to save this girl from the hands of suicide. The doctor knew from personal experience what it felt like to be left alone in this world. She knew the feeling all too painfully well what it meant to have no one left to love or care for her. The calm and collected Dr. Bradley was orphaned early on as a young child herself.

Dying to be Dead Part 1- Chapter 6 - To Taste Death

Gabriel descended upon the city to do what he must. He wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as he possibly could. He had wanted this night to belong to him and Lana, but he had misjudged his need for blood. He hadn’t fed tonight but felt fine until he was close to Lana. Her mere presence tempted him so. As the night wore on, it was turning out to be harder than he had estimated it would be. He sensed too much fight in those he encountered on these busy city streets. When there was that much fight left in his victims, he just couldn’t go through with it. It was way too emotionally draining for him to see flashes of what they were leaving behind. It was so much easier when his victims had already lost the will to live. That was the kind that would usually just fall into his arms. It kind of felt like he was doing them a favor. He hadn’t had that kind of luck so far tonight. He did appreciate the triviality of the thoughts of mortals passing on the streets at times. He found humor in the worries they carried. “Did I turn off the stove before I left the house? Is he cheating on me? Oh God, twenty pounds, I’ve gained twenty pounds.” It was so infantile and pointless. Their petty thoughts separated him from his kill. He was convinced that those kinds were a waste and needed to be eliminated. He listened closely for that whining cry for help or that wretched state of mind of one who has lost that fight to live and was ready to end it all. This, in fact, was what first brought him into Lana’s life. Although, once he had watched her intently and felt her anger and vitality, he was attracted to her in a whole other way. So he watched her progressively, more and more over the last year until he saw fit to make his drastic move for a connection. The city was cold and wet this time of night. The overnight dew had already laid its wet blanket upon everything that resided in the cold, night air. The metal railing of the overpass bridge was slippery to the touch. Suddenly Gabriel heard what he’d been listening out for. Just a few feet ahead and above him at the top of the overpass bridge, a young man was on the outer railing getting ready to jump off onto four lanes of traffic below. The young man’s sobbing was like music to Gabriel’s ears. The man’s wailing was so inconsolable. Gabriel had seen this scenario played out so many times before. He had to act quickly to keep his dinner from going to waste. Within seconds Gabriel was holding onto the young man from behind. Gabriel had a hold of him around the neck with one arm and around his waist with the other. The man had jumped forward from being so startled. If Gabriel hadn’t had such a firm grip on him, the man would have been a highway pancake instantly. Gabriel whispered in his ear, “Not just yet Adam. I need something from you first.” Gabriel carried the young man up into the sky to a nearby rooftop. When he landed upon the roof, Gabriel turned the man around and told him, “Death has heard your call Adam. Suffer no more. I shall heed to your ultimate desire.” Adam stopped his sobbing and just stood there dumbfounded, looking into Gabriel’s piercing, animal like green eyes. He had a very childlike expression on his face. That was all Gabriel needed to take advantage of the situation. The predator in him had taken over completely. As Adam’s heart slowed, Gabriel was seeing visions of Adam’s life. There were birthdays and girlfriends, and ultimately heartbreak. A love lost to death was what drove him to yearn for it himself. That was just the image that Gabriel needed to finish the deed. Gabriel laid Adam down on the cold, damp cement of the rooftop just as his heart ceased to beat. “Go to her, Adam. If it is possible, go to her”, said Gabriel before turning and ascending skyward.

Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 5 - Sleep of the Dead

He carefully put Lana down to distance himself from her a bit. “I must leave you for a short time. My thirst is getting the better of me. I know that I can be much better company if I have fed”, said Gabriel. He took Lana by the hand and entered the house into the foyer. As soon as they entered, an army of servants came running to be of service to them. Gabriel dismissed them just as fast as they had arrived. Suddenly a door opened from under the side stairwell, and the one that Gabriel had obviously been expecting stood massive, hovering over them. “Welcome home sir. May I be of service to you?” Asked the beastly man before them. Lana instantly recognized her horrific kidnapper from before. She became rigid with fear and Gabriel picked up on it immediately. “Please Lana, calm yourself. Isaac is a good man. He only does what I ask of him without hesitation. You are completely safe in his presence. I assure you of that”, said Gabriel. Then he turned to Isaac, “Yes, and my friend, I’m going to need you to stay in the company of my dear Lana while I am away. She is precious to me Isaac and should not be harmed or allowed to be harmed in any way. Please give her a tour of the premises if you have the time. I will be back well before dawn.” Gabriel embraced Lana for only a moment before he disappeared into the night.





Lana shrank in fear when Isaac’s gaze met hers. His cold ice blue eyes looked vacant, not like an unintelligent individual, but more like one who seemed to be lacking his very soul. The darkness that surrounded his sunken eyes made him look sick, even near death. He gave off the impression of a beastly zombie. Isaac was obviously not the same as Gabriel. He still seemed to be human, only hovering on the brink of death. Lana had to turn away from Isaac’s piercing stare. It was too direct, and way too intense. The loud rasping noise of Isaac clearing his throat startled Lana. Then he began to speak with an unfamiliar foreign accent she hadn’t noticed about him before. “Follow me, please.” He trudged up the left staircase, expecting Lana to follow behind him. It led to the east wing. Lana felt very reluctant to follow Isaac where there seemed to be no one else around, but she continued on against her better judgment. Lana thought Isaac looked very different from behind. He was massive in stature, at least seven feet tall with arms and legs as thick as tree trunks. His hair was very long, with brown cascading curls. He didn’t have his hair tied back so it was flowing freely like a wild animal. As he walked in front of her it whipped her in the face from time to time. She felt like reaching out to touch it for only a second until her better judgment took charge. His hair was the only good quality she could see about him.







Isaac felt the emptiness rising in the pit of his stomach. He remembered when the master used to look at him in the way he now looked at Lana. It was a look that made him feel whole and loved. He never forgot the life that Gabriel saved him from growing up on the dirty city streets in Prague. He remembered nearly freezing to death when he was only a boy, with nowhere to go. Gabriel took him in and raised him, saving Isaac from the unforgiving streets while showing him a life of luxury and teasing him with an alluring hope for immortality. Isaac thirsted for Gabriel’s immortal gift. From the first moment he had realized Gabriel’s power, he wanted a taste of it. It had become all he could think of over the years to the point of total obsession. He begged Gabriel to turn him every night, only to be put aside time and again. Eventually Isaac evolved into Gabriel’s manservant, quite a far cry from where they had begun together.






They were walking far too briskly through the halls for Lana to be able to take in all that was around her. This beautiful home had far too grand of scenery to just spare it all only a passing glance. It was just about as pointless as taking a jogging tour through the Smithsonian. She could tell that Isaac was obviously rushing to get this tour over with. He led her in and out of countless amazing rooms. A moment’s glance was all she was able to enjoy. Then finally they came to the last room at the end of the wing. Isaac opened the massive wooden door in front of them. It had large brass hinges on it that squeaked something awful when it was moved. Isaac only placed his arm in the open entryway directing Lana to go inside without a single word. She hesitantly entered the doorway. Lana turned back around to keep her eyes on Isaac, but he was already gone. The door was closed. He had left her all alone. She couldn’t decide if she was better off alone or with creepy Isaac. She turned in circles taking in the overwhelmingly gorgeous room around her. It was tremendously huge. The walls were painted golden and there were large windows that filled one whole wall that were adorned with black velvet, heavy looking drapes. There was even an ostentatious chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the middle of this massive room. There was a four poster bed a few feet from a very inviting looking fireplace that was already lit. She was grateful for the fireplace. It added light to the dimly lit room. She had been looking for a switch for the fancy chandelier when she realized that it was a chandelier that held only candles. The chandelier had only a few candles lit upon it, and the flames of the candles cast an eerie shadow effect upon the room. It had a strange lulling effect upon her and made her feel very sleepy suddenly.

She pulled back the soft black mosquito netting that hung over the four poster bed and sat down to try and relax a bit. She noticed golden ribbons hanging from the bedrails, obviously there to tie back the mosquito netting. She couldn’t resist rubbing her hands across the luxurious black velvet bedspread. She found a lacey gold nightgown lying folded on one of the bed pillows. It was beautiful, and just her size. She had wanted badly to get out of the horrible sterile hospital gown and robe she was still wearing. “It must have been left here for me. I’m going to put it on”, she decided. The gown slipped over her so easily and felt so good to wear. She tossed the hospital gown into the fire and watched it go up in flames. She wondered where Gabriel was and when he would be back for her. She couldn’t help but get sleepy in this big, comfortable bed. “I’ll just rest my eyes here for a minute”, Lana thought. She laid her head onto the goose down golden pillows.

Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 4 - Within The Mist

Case File # 11862


Attending Psychiatrist: Dr. Aurora Bradley

Subject: Lana Marie Kelly

Juvenile/ Age 16

Presumptive Diagnosis: Trauma induced dementia with psychotic tendencies

Hospitalization recommended? Yes

Physician Comments:


Miss Kelly has dramatically declined in overall mental and physical health while under the duration of my supervision. I will be petitioning her guardian, her maternal grandmother Annette O’ Brien, to release her into hospital custody so that she can receive intensive, round the clock treatment and mental rehabilitation. I have been witness to her self destructive behavior. There is also evidence of self-injury. It is apparent that the patient has cut herself multiple times on multiple occasions with sharp objects. The blood loss during these episodes is obviously severe because the patient is suffering from an extreme form of acute anemia. It is in my professional opinion that this patient be put on a suicide watch immediately.


04/09/09- 9:18pm







“It feels like a padded box, or maybe a friendly prison cell”, she thought. She wasn’t even given the comfort of sheets on her bed. Some type of rubber padding covered the mattress, and even the walls around her.
“Guess they think I might try and hang myself with the sheets. How typical”, Lana thought and laughed a bit. It was becoming unbearably boring just sitting there with none of the creature comforts she was so accustomed to. She’d have given anything to be able to get on her computer and look at Gabriel’s beautiful face once again. Although, she knew he wouldn’t fail her. She needed only to fall asleep tonight to be in his loving arms once more. Sleep didn’t come to her so easily here in the hospital. The generic look of the room and the coldness that surrounded her reminded Lana of a morgue. As she laid there trying to drift off to sleep, she imagined herself being dead and lying in the morgue, toe tagged and blue lips, laid out in a freezer drawer. Then she imagined what her mother Vivienne must have looked like there. She sat up. Lana didn’t want to think of such things, but she couldn’t escape her own thoughts. She looked around the room in the darkness. She hated the huge mirror that covered the wall that was directly across from the bed. It was scary for her to look at it in the dark. Her image always seemed distorted and evil in mirrors when it was dark. She had that feeling for as far back as she could remember. The thought of breaking the mirror and using the glass shards to cut herself raced through her mind. It had been so long since she had cut herself. The problem was that she didn’t have anything to break the glass with. The room was sterile and barren, except for the rubber bed that was bolted to the cold, padded floor. Lana worked up the courage to try and smash the mirror with her bare fist. When she finally attempted the daring feat, her hand just bounced right off. “Damn!” She shouted loudly. There was no breaking this mirror. It was obviously shatterproof.





Dr. Bradley had been watching Lana through the two way mirror for more than three hours now. It had been very uneventful until Lana tried to break the glass. Dr. Bradley was assuming that Lana wanted to break the glass to have a sharp object to cut herself with. Dr. Bradley documented the incident. Two more hours passed and Lana finally seemed to have fallen asleep. Suddenly, Dr. Bradley noticed the temperature in the room had dropped drastically and there seemed to be a thick, fog-like mist rolling under the door. She looked in on Lana and saw that the mist was entering that room as well.





Lana could feel herself being lifted up into the fresh, cool night air. She welcomed that lovely feeling. She knew she was in Gabriel’s grasp once again. He held Lana so tightly this time, like he was afraid she might fall. “I was afraid you might have left me. I can barely hear your heartbeat”, Gabriel whispered into Lana’s ear. Gabriel felt so cold to Lana. His skin was so white and thin looking. His veins were visible beneath the surface all along the sides of his face. Lana thought about how beautiful he must look when he is bleeding. “When the red, hot liquid flows over that playable flesh, it must be a heavenly”, she thought. Gabriel’s chest rumbled with a small deep laugh as he read her thoughts and held her closer to his hard, cold chest. He held her so close until they touched down at his hacienda; He reluctantly let her go, ever so gently. She looked around at the somewhat familiar grounds that surrounded the hacienda. Lana was thankful to be back at Gabriel’s sprawling and beautiful home. “It’s just so pleasing to the eye!” She thought. “I’m so pleased with your reaction, Lana, my dear. My home is just as much your home, or, that is, it very well could be”, Gabriel professed. He looked at Lana in a whole new way. He stared so deeply into her eyes. Something had really changed in his whole demeanor. There was an animal like expression spreading across his whole face. The moonlight danced so dangerously in his vampire eyes. Lana felt the heat rising in her cheeks.






She feared the crucial moment had arrived. She had dreamt of this. She had wished for this. She had wanted this more than anything else for so very long. It was starting to look like now was that time, but it didn’t quite feel the way she imagined it would. There was an honest fear of death lurking in Lana’s heart. If Gabriel turned her into a vampire, then she’d ultimately be losing her life. She was frozen with fear. She came to the realization that she had tasted death more than she cared to for the moment. She wouldn’t be able to go through with it just yet. She fell to the ground and began sobbing loudly. “You are quite presumptuous my darling girl”, Gabriel said quite smugly. “It is only that I haven’t fed yet on this night.” He scooped Lana up off the ground into his arms. She was still crying uncontrollably. Gabriel wiped at Lana’s tears and pressed her head to his shoulder. “There, there my love. We needn’t worry of such things now”, Gabriel said soothingly as he stroked her hair. “Do not fear me.” Lana’s heartbeat was becoming audibly clear to Gabriel. He looked down upon her succulent little neck as she lay in his arms pressed against his shoulder. He could see the blood pumping right through her precious pink flesh. “Just a kiss, just a sweet little blood kiss like so many times before”, he thought. But he knew it wouldn’t be the same as the other times. He hadn’t fed tonight. His control was wavering. His lust for Lana’s sweet, young blood was becoming uncontrollable. The predator within would soon take control over him if he didn’t leave very soon to go feed.

Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 3 - Bloody Kisses

There was a dark vehicle stopped across the road from her. She started walking forward and the dark vehicle began moving down the road parallel to her in the same direction on this unfamiliar street. She had never spent a lot of time on the north side of town here alone and she didn’t know her way around at all. Lana did her best to act unaware of the menacing presence that seemed to be stalking her. She thought to herself, “No way, I’ve seen way too many scary movies where chicks freaked out when someone was following them and the bad guys would only attack them quicker.” She wanted to keep her head and find a safe place to duck into until she lost this whacko. First she needed to find out where the hell she had run off to. She was obviously nowhere near the hospital anymore. There were several warehouses on this block but not an open business or residence anywhere in sight as far as she could tell.. She quickened her pace somewhat out of nervousness. As she was passing one of the darkened and closed warehouses she noticed that she could cut through its back parking lot and reach a residential area that was adjacent to the parking lot She could actually see the welcoming glow of a light on at a nearby house. That’s when she decided she better make a run for it. She took off running through the parking lot as fast as her small legs would take her and when she made it nearly half way across the menacing car that had been stalking her now charged into the lot and cut her off. It was blocking her way.




The only way out she could see was to jump a fence next to the car. She hastily tried climbing over the God forsaken six foot fence. When she was close to the top she felt rock hard hands grab her by the waist and pull her down. It was some huge beastly man pulling her directly off the fence. She tried to struggle against him but to no avail. He carried her to the back passenger door of the dark menacing car. He quickly opened it and shoved her inside. Once inside, she tried the door and it was locked. Then she strained her eyes to see in the darkness, and suddenly she could make out a silhouette of someone else in the backseat near her, directly across from her in fact. It was a hooded figure in dark clothing. She couldn’t make out any specific features. A light came on above and the hooded figure revealed him. Lana was shocked once again to find who it was. It was the man from the website again; the one who had stood before her and offered her is hand only a short time ago. “But why would he go to such measures to confront me once again? Oh God, he’s a creepo!” She thought to herself. He gave her that angelic smile again and then he spoke, “The deed is done. You needn’t worry about the one you call “Mark” anymore. Vivienne’s death has been avenged.” He said this with such grace and an accent she couldn’t figure out where it derived from. Lana couldn’t believe what she was hearing or seeing. “Could this all be real?” “It is real Lana, as real as you and I are here together now. Forgive me, I am quite rude. I haven’t introduced myself properly. I am Gabriel Van Sant. I’m sure that you’re aware that we have crossed paths over the computer. What a lovely contraption, the computer. I don’t think you are aware that I’ve heard you calling out for some time now. I’ve been watching you for several months. I had to know if you were really ready to leave your mortal coil. With the sudden loss of your mother, I expected that you probably would be. No decisions need be made tonight. We have until the sun rises. Please, tell me what it is that you most desire to do on this night?” Lana was in utter disbelief. Kidnapped by a vampire and his henchman?? She had wanted something like this to happen for so long, but now it just seemed so unreal that she doubted her very sanity. Suddenly it hit her that he had read her mind. “How was that possible?” She wondered to herself.



While contemplating all of this, Lana hadn’t realized that the car had been driven all the way out of the city and was approaching a large hacienda style mansion that seemed to appear out of nowhere hidden amongst the country brush and mesquite trees. She was amazed by the grandeur of this place. It seemed to be centuries old yet maintained immaculately. Lana could feel Gabriel’s ever watchful eye on her constantly. She was sure that he was still reading her thoughts. She felt powerless to block him from her mind. As the car pulled into the tiled circular drive, there were a number of servants there scrambling to be of service to their obvious master of the house. The beastly, kidnapping driver opened the car door and offered his hand to Lana to help her get out. She refused him and got out by her own accord. Gabriel followed suit and was immediately standing before her. Lana was impressed by his height. “He has to be at least 6’ ft 3’in.” She thought to herself. “Actually 6’ft 4’in.” he pronounced quite boastfully. Gabriel gave her a sly smile that melted her inside. ‘He was way too beautiful to be real”, she thought. The way the moonlight flickered in his piercing green eyes was almost too much to behold. He gracefully gestured for her to in the direction of the front entrance. For some reason, although she had been taken here against her will, she was starting to feel at ease with Gabriel and she was ready to experience whatever awaited her on this night. Once inside, they entered a very great and extremely grand hall. It led into a front parlor that was more like the size of a ballroom. To the right and left were the most beautiful staircases leading to places she could only imagine. There were the most beautifully carved wooden angels made right into the banisters on the staircases. When she looked up she could see that the stairways wound upward for at least three floors. The parlor had very uniquely patterned throw rugs spread all over the place. They covered nearly every open area on the floor in the room, and that didn’t seem to be an easy feat to accomplish. This room was gigantic. The rugs looked like the expensive, Persian kind with intricate patterns that had to have been completely hand woven. Lana had only just entered the house and the scenery already seemed to be overwhelming to her.



She could only imagine what was in store for her. Gabriel ushered Lana to what looked to be a very comfortable and inviting sofa. When she sat down, her body sank far into the cushions. “It’s even more comfortable than it looks”, she thought. “I have spent much time there myself and I agree that it is very comfortable”, Gabriel said. Lana was once again astonished by Gabriel’s mind reading abilities. “This would be very hard to get used to”, she was thinking. Gabriel had sat down opposite of her in a very ornate looking chair that almost looked like a throne. It was impressive looking with crushed red velvet cushions and what looked to be solid gold arms and legs in a very French looking pattern. He sat there so severely gazing into her eyes. Then he opened his arms wide, obviously expecting Lana to jump right into them. Before she even realized, Lana was within his grasp without ever knowing she had moved from her spot on the couch.. Lana blocked her fear by trying to rationalize Gabriel’s actions.”It had to be a mind trick of some kind”, she was telling herself. Then, as if something warm was being poured over her body, she felt herself go limp, as if his very touch had paralyzed her. Although, for some reason she didn’t feel at all frightened by this loss of control. To the contrary, it was the most magnificently safe sensation she had ever felt. She imagined it to be comparable to how an infant feels when it’s cradled in its mother’s arms. Gabriel stroked her hair lovingly and began to whisper softly into her ear, “Sleep my dear, sleep and forget all of the pain. Life is pain, and soon, I shall take you away from all of that.” His words were powerful but lulled her just enough so that soon she felt herself being overcome by the heaviness of sleep.



Dreams have a funny way of reminding us to try and keep a firm grasp on reality. Lana dreamt the most vividly lucid dreams there in the arms of Gabriel. She felt the most magnificent ambiance all around her in these dreams. She was liberated and commanding. For once, she felt in control of things. Shamefully enough, these dreams were horrific in nature, just as they had been once before. One such dream finally startled her awake. She sat up shaken and sweating, all alone in a dark room that looked somewhat familiar to her. “How could this be possible”, she thought as she jumped up out of the little rickety twin bed and flicked on the light switch by the side table where she instinctively knew it would be. She was correct. She was at her Grandmother O’Brien’s house in the spare bedroom. She knew it well because she stayed in this room for two whole summers when she was eleven and twelve and Vivienne was having a couple of her many rough patches in life. It seemed impossible for Lana to be here now. Her Grandmother O’Brien had disowned Vivienne nearly four years ago and Lana hadn’t seen her grandmother since then. “What an awkward feeling to be here now. Where in the world was Gabriel and how did I get here in this room?” She wondered. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, and then it began to open. Surely enough, it was her Grandmother O’Brien.



Two Months Later…




The world just went on. It didn’t matter that Vivienne had been brutally murdered and that Mark was missing and charged with the crime. The world just went on like every other random and pointless day. It was getting hard to tell dreams from reality these days. Lana knew she had experienced the grief of losing Vivienne at the hospital that fateful night, but how to explain the strange happenings thereafter? This was a question she just couldn’t let go of. Gabriel, sweet Gabriel, he couldn’t have been real. Grandmother O’Brien told her she found Lana lying on her front porch swing the morning she had woken up in that familiar spare bedroom at her grandmother’s house that very first time. Lana had been in a state of disorientation and complete exhaustion. Everyone around her took it as a mental breakdown due to extreme grief. Her grandmother was very determined to get Lana to move on with her life like everything was normal and the horrific loss of her mother never happened. Before she knew it, everything was swept under the rug just like her grandmother always liked problems to be, and Lana was placed back in school again. She was now living permanently with her Grandmother O’ Brien. It was beyond dreary to Lana to have to go back to King high school just as before. Lana had pretty much turned her Grandmother’s spare bedroom into what looked much like her old bedroom where she had once lived with her mom and Mark. It didn’t take her much time at all to adorn her walls with androgynous rock stars and scenes of the macabre. She could almost pretend, even to herself, that she never met Gabriel or felt his passionate embrace. She made believe that she would be hearing Vivienne pounding on her door in the morning to wake her for school, but deep inside she knew better. “Vivienne was dead and Gabriel couldn’t be real”, she had to keep telling herself. Ms. Kemp would be sure to enforce that fact of reality. Lana knew it had been a mistake to open up to that old bag even a little bit. Ms. Kemp was completely closed minded. Lana tried to just set all the desperate feelings aside. She tried to accept the theory that Gabriel and his awe inspiring hacienda in obscurity was only an elaborate trick her mind was playing on her out of grief and despair to deal with the murder of her mother Vivienne. The only problem is her dreams wouldn’t allow her to let it go. She dreamt of Gabriel every single night. Through her window he would arrive and carry her away to some far off destination. On occasion, she’d dream that he took her to a beautiful uninhabited island after midnight. The moonlight was glistening over the water that was breaking at the sandy shore. They were lying right upon the sand. She laid on his arm as he stroked her hair so gently. She felt so overwhelmingly safe and loved with Gabriel. She woke up in her bedroom like so many other times before. Her heart ached for these moments to be real. She’d lie in bed and cry, contemplating the fear that she may very well be going crazy after all. She’d overhear her grandmother on the phone with the school counselor Ms. Kemp and the things they would say about her. They were concerned that she may be losing her grip on reality.



It was getting harder and harder for Lana to stay awake in the daytime. It felt so strange to her. She knew she had to have been getting to sleep at night. “How else could I be having these elaborate dreams of Gabriel and me?” She wondered. Ms. Kemp from school called Lana’s grandmother again. She was complaining about Lana falling asleep in class on repeated occasions and how she had been looking strung out and pale as of late. Lana was so fed up with Ms. Kemp. ‘You’d think she’d lay off someone whose mother was just murdered”, Lana contemplated. Now her grandmother was really on her case, but not in the same way Vivienne had been. This was somewhat worse. Grandmother O’Brien opted to take Lana to a series of specialists. There was a pediatrician who said she needed to see a neurologist. Then there was a physician specialized in sleep disorders, and finally when they came to the conclusion that they could not find any physical ailment within her besides maybe being a little anemic, her grandmother made the last ditch effort of calling in a shrink. This shrink came at the recommendation of the first pediatrician. The pediatrician had noticed a lot of cuts and old scars on Lana’s skin and suspected self-injury. Lana was sent to see Dr. Aurora Bradley, the psychiatrist, twice a week now. Lana was set in her determination not to open up to Dr. Bradley. She knew that would be an all around bad idea. “All this doctor would do is decide that I’m as crazy as they all suspect and that’s the last thing I need right now”, Lana thought.



Surprisingly enough though, Lana did open up to Dr. Bradley over time. There was something about Dr. Bradley that put Lana at ease so much so that before she knew it, she had already spent two hours telling Dr. Bradley all about her vivid dreams of dear sweet Gabriel and his dastardly vampiric ways. She told her of the nights he would come and carry her right out of bed in her night clothes and cover her with kisses that left her limp as she felt the wind beneath their feet. He’d hold her tight and before long they would reach some far off destination. It was rarely the same place. One night it would be some uninhabited island in the South Pacific, and other nights, the rooftop of a Paris opera house, or the summit of a Chilean mountain peak. Gabriel held the world in his hands to Lana, and he offered it up to her every night. Their nightly rendezvous were really beginning to take a toll on Lana’s appearance and overall general health. Her energy was drained even before she got out of bed in the morning. She hardly ever made it through the day without falling asleep or passing out repeatedly. Many began to comment on the pale color of her skin and the bone thin figure she was acquiring. Food didn’t taste right to her anymore. She always felt thirsty, ravenously thirsty, but she could never quite quench all of that feeling. Her body was changing and she knew it. She saw the marks that Gabriel was leaving, but they were not fang marks. He was making little slices in her skin with his teeth without making it look like bites and kissing away the blood. Lana was sure that everyone would play it off as her hurting herself. “Maybe that’s what Gabriel wants them to think, for now”, she said to herself. She did her best to hide the daily amount of new wounds, but it was getting harder everyday. They were small, but there were so many.