Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 3 - Bloody Kisses

There was a dark vehicle stopped across the road from her. She started walking forward and the dark vehicle began moving down the road parallel to her in the same direction on this unfamiliar street. She had never spent a lot of time on the north side of town here alone and she didn’t know her way around at all. Lana did her best to act unaware of the menacing presence that seemed to be stalking her. She thought to herself, “No way, I’ve seen way too many scary movies where chicks freaked out when someone was following them and the bad guys would only attack them quicker.” She wanted to keep her head and find a safe place to duck into until she lost this whacko. First she needed to find out where the hell she had run off to. She was obviously nowhere near the hospital anymore. There were several warehouses on this block but not an open business or residence anywhere in sight as far as she could tell.. She quickened her pace somewhat out of nervousness. As she was passing one of the darkened and closed warehouses she noticed that she could cut through its back parking lot and reach a residential area that was adjacent to the parking lot She could actually see the welcoming glow of a light on at a nearby house. That’s when she decided she better make a run for it. She took off running through the parking lot as fast as her small legs would take her and when she made it nearly half way across the menacing car that had been stalking her now charged into the lot and cut her off. It was blocking her way.




The only way out she could see was to jump a fence next to the car. She hastily tried climbing over the God forsaken six foot fence. When she was close to the top she felt rock hard hands grab her by the waist and pull her down. It was some huge beastly man pulling her directly off the fence. She tried to struggle against him but to no avail. He carried her to the back passenger door of the dark menacing car. He quickly opened it and shoved her inside. Once inside, she tried the door and it was locked. Then she strained her eyes to see in the darkness, and suddenly she could make out a silhouette of someone else in the backseat near her, directly across from her in fact. It was a hooded figure in dark clothing. She couldn’t make out any specific features. A light came on above and the hooded figure revealed him. Lana was shocked once again to find who it was. It was the man from the website again; the one who had stood before her and offered her is hand only a short time ago. “But why would he go to such measures to confront me once again? Oh God, he’s a creepo!” She thought to herself. He gave her that angelic smile again and then he spoke, “The deed is done. You needn’t worry about the one you call “Mark” anymore. Vivienne’s death has been avenged.” He said this with such grace and an accent she couldn’t figure out where it derived from. Lana couldn’t believe what she was hearing or seeing. “Could this all be real?” “It is real Lana, as real as you and I are here together now. Forgive me, I am quite rude. I haven’t introduced myself properly. I am Gabriel Van Sant. I’m sure that you’re aware that we have crossed paths over the computer. What a lovely contraption, the computer. I don’t think you are aware that I’ve heard you calling out for some time now. I’ve been watching you for several months. I had to know if you were really ready to leave your mortal coil. With the sudden loss of your mother, I expected that you probably would be. No decisions need be made tonight. We have until the sun rises. Please, tell me what it is that you most desire to do on this night?” Lana was in utter disbelief. Kidnapped by a vampire and his henchman?? She had wanted something like this to happen for so long, but now it just seemed so unreal that she doubted her very sanity. Suddenly it hit her that he had read her mind. “How was that possible?” She wondered to herself.



While contemplating all of this, Lana hadn’t realized that the car had been driven all the way out of the city and was approaching a large hacienda style mansion that seemed to appear out of nowhere hidden amongst the country brush and mesquite trees. She was amazed by the grandeur of this place. It seemed to be centuries old yet maintained immaculately. Lana could feel Gabriel’s ever watchful eye on her constantly. She was sure that he was still reading her thoughts. She felt powerless to block him from her mind. As the car pulled into the tiled circular drive, there were a number of servants there scrambling to be of service to their obvious master of the house. The beastly, kidnapping driver opened the car door and offered his hand to Lana to help her get out. She refused him and got out by her own accord. Gabriel followed suit and was immediately standing before her. Lana was impressed by his height. “He has to be at least 6’ ft 3’in.” She thought to herself. “Actually 6’ft 4’in.” he pronounced quite boastfully. Gabriel gave her a sly smile that melted her inside. ‘He was way too beautiful to be real”, she thought. The way the moonlight flickered in his piercing green eyes was almost too much to behold. He gracefully gestured for her to in the direction of the front entrance. For some reason, although she had been taken here against her will, she was starting to feel at ease with Gabriel and she was ready to experience whatever awaited her on this night. Once inside, they entered a very great and extremely grand hall. It led into a front parlor that was more like the size of a ballroom. To the right and left were the most beautiful staircases leading to places she could only imagine. There were the most beautifully carved wooden angels made right into the banisters on the staircases. When she looked up she could see that the stairways wound upward for at least three floors. The parlor had very uniquely patterned throw rugs spread all over the place. They covered nearly every open area on the floor in the room, and that didn’t seem to be an easy feat to accomplish. This room was gigantic. The rugs looked like the expensive, Persian kind with intricate patterns that had to have been completely hand woven. Lana had only just entered the house and the scenery already seemed to be overwhelming to her.



She could only imagine what was in store for her. Gabriel ushered Lana to what looked to be a very comfortable and inviting sofa. When she sat down, her body sank far into the cushions. “It’s even more comfortable than it looks”, she thought. “I have spent much time there myself and I agree that it is very comfortable”, Gabriel said. Lana was once again astonished by Gabriel’s mind reading abilities. “This would be very hard to get used to”, she was thinking. Gabriel had sat down opposite of her in a very ornate looking chair that almost looked like a throne. It was impressive looking with crushed red velvet cushions and what looked to be solid gold arms and legs in a very French looking pattern. He sat there so severely gazing into her eyes. Then he opened his arms wide, obviously expecting Lana to jump right into them. Before she even realized, Lana was within his grasp without ever knowing she had moved from her spot on the couch.. Lana blocked her fear by trying to rationalize Gabriel’s actions.”It had to be a mind trick of some kind”, she was telling herself. Then, as if something warm was being poured over her body, she felt herself go limp, as if his very touch had paralyzed her. Although, for some reason she didn’t feel at all frightened by this loss of control. To the contrary, it was the most magnificently safe sensation she had ever felt. She imagined it to be comparable to how an infant feels when it’s cradled in its mother’s arms. Gabriel stroked her hair lovingly and began to whisper softly into her ear, “Sleep my dear, sleep and forget all of the pain. Life is pain, and soon, I shall take you away from all of that.” His words were powerful but lulled her just enough so that soon she felt herself being overcome by the heaviness of sleep.



Dreams have a funny way of reminding us to try and keep a firm grasp on reality. Lana dreamt the most vividly lucid dreams there in the arms of Gabriel. She felt the most magnificent ambiance all around her in these dreams. She was liberated and commanding. For once, she felt in control of things. Shamefully enough, these dreams were horrific in nature, just as they had been once before. One such dream finally startled her awake. She sat up shaken and sweating, all alone in a dark room that looked somewhat familiar to her. “How could this be possible”, she thought as she jumped up out of the little rickety twin bed and flicked on the light switch by the side table where she instinctively knew it would be. She was correct. She was at her Grandmother O’Brien’s house in the spare bedroom. She knew it well because she stayed in this room for two whole summers when she was eleven and twelve and Vivienne was having a couple of her many rough patches in life. It seemed impossible for Lana to be here now. Her Grandmother O’Brien had disowned Vivienne nearly four years ago and Lana hadn’t seen her grandmother since then. “What an awkward feeling to be here now. Where in the world was Gabriel and how did I get here in this room?” She wondered. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, and then it began to open. Surely enough, it was her Grandmother O’Brien.



Two Months Later…




The world just went on. It didn’t matter that Vivienne had been brutally murdered and that Mark was missing and charged with the crime. The world just went on like every other random and pointless day. It was getting hard to tell dreams from reality these days. Lana knew she had experienced the grief of losing Vivienne at the hospital that fateful night, but how to explain the strange happenings thereafter? This was a question she just couldn’t let go of. Gabriel, sweet Gabriel, he couldn’t have been real. Grandmother O’Brien told her she found Lana lying on her front porch swing the morning she had woken up in that familiar spare bedroom at her grandmother’s house that very first time. Lana had been in a state of disorientation and complete exhaustion. Everyone around her took it as a mental breakdown due to extreme grief. Her grandmother was very determined to get Lana to move on with her life like everything was normal and the horrific loss of her mother never happened. Before she knew it, everything was swept under the rug just like her grandmother always liked problems to be, and Lana was placed back in school again. She was now living permanently with her Grandmother O’ Brien. It was beyond dreary to Lana to have to go back to King high school just as before. Lana had pretty much turned her Grandmother’s spare bedroom into what looked much like her old bedroom where she had once lived with her mom and Mark. It didn’t take her much time at all to adorn her walls with androgynous rock stars and scenes of the macabre. She could almost pretend, even to herself, that she never met Gabriel or felt his passionate embrace. She made believe that she would be hearing Vivienne pounding on her door in the morning to wake her for school, but deep inside she knew better. “Vivienne was dead and Gabriel couldn’t be real”, she had to keep telling herself. Ms. Kemp would be sure to enforce that fact of reality. Lana knew it had been a mistake to open up to that old bag even a little bit. Ms. Kemp was completely closed minded. Lana tried to just set all the desperate feelings aside. She tried to accept the theory that Gabriel and his awe inspiring hacienda in obscurity was only an elaborate trick her mind was playing on her out of grief and despair to deal with the murder of her mother Vivienne. The only problem is her dreams wouldn’t allow her to let it go. She dreamt of Gabriel every single night. Through her window he would arrive and carry her away to some far off destination. On occasion, she’d dream that he took her to a beautiful uninhabited island after midnight. The moonlight was glistening over the water that was breaking at the sandy shore. They were lying right upon the sand. She laid on his arm as he stroked her hair so gently. She felt so overwhelmingly safe and loved with Gabriel. She woke up in her bedroom like so many other times before. Her heart ached for these moments to be real. She’d lie in bed and cry, contemplating the fear that she may very well be going crazy after all. She’d overhear her grandmother on the phone with the school counselor Ms. Kemp and the things they would say about her. They were concerned that she may be losing her grip on reality.



It was getting harder and harder for Lana to stay awake in the daytime. It felt so strange to her. She knew she had to have been getting to sleep at night. “How else could I be having these elaborate dreams of Gabriel and me?” She wondered. Ms. Kemp from school called Lana’s grandmother again. She was complaining about Lana falling asleep in class on repeated occasions and how she had been looking strung out and pale as of late. Lana was so fed up with Ms. Kemp. ‘You’d think she’d lay off someone whose mother was just murdered”, Lana contemplated. Now her grandmother was really on her case, but not in the same way Vivienne had been. This was somewhat worse. Grandmother O’Brien opted to take Lana to a series of specialists. There was a pediatrician who said she needed to see a neurologist. Then there was a physician specialized in sleep disorders, and finally when they came to the conclusion that they could not find any physical ailment within her besides maybe being a little anemic, her grandmother made the last ditch effort of calling in a shrink. This shrink came at the recommendation of the first pediatrician. The pediatrician had noticed a lot of cuts and old scars on Lana’s skin and suspected self-injury. Lana was sent to see Dr. Aurora Bradley, the psychiatrist, twice a week now. Lana was set in her determination not to open up to Dr. Bradley. She knew that would be an all around bad idea. “All this doctor would do is decide that I’m as crazy as they all suspect and that’s the last thing I need right now”, Lana thought.



Surprisingly enough though, Lana did open up to Dr. Bradley over time. There was something about Dr. Bradley that put Lana at ease so much so that before she knew it, she had already spent two hours telling Dr. Bradley all about her vivid dreams of dear sweet Gabriel and his dastardly vampiric ways. She told her of the nights he would come and carry her right out of bed in her night clothes and cover her with kisses that left her limp as she felt the wind beneath their feet. He’d hold her tight and before long they would reach some far off destination. It was rarely the same place. One night it would be some uninhabited island in the South Pacific, and other nights, the rooftop of a Paris opera house, or the summit of a Chilean mountain peak. Gabriel held the world in his hands to Lana, and he offered it up to her every night. Their nightly rendezvous were really beginning to take a toll on Lana’s appearance and overall general health. Her energy was drained even before she got out of bed in the morning. She hardly ever made it through the day without falling asleep or passing out repeatedly. Many began to comment on the pale color of her skin and the bone thin figure she was acquiring. Food didn’t taste right to her anymore. She always felt thirsty, ravenously thirsty, but she could never quite quench all of that feeling. Her body was changing and she knew it. She saw the marks that Gabriel was leaving, but they were not fang marks. He was making little slices in her skin with his teeth without making it look like bites and kissing away the blood. Lana was sure that everyone would play it off as her hurting herself. “Maybe that’s what Gabriel wants them to think, for now”, she said to herself. She did her best to hide the daily amount of new wounds, but it was getting harder everyday. They were small, but there were so many.

Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 2 - The End of the Beginning

At 7:30pm when her mother called her to dinner, Lana kept on reading. Lana read her book “Vampire Memoirs” till it got very late. She had dead bolted her bedroom door, and the entire world could just rot in hell for all she cared.

Midnight came and Lana put down her book to look out her window. She had the loveliest bay window in her room. She could remember back to a time sitting by her window at age ten or so, back when she’d read Dr. Seuss stories and think positively that things would always get better. They never got better. That felt like a lifetime ago. Now here she sits by her window waiting for the vampires in her alternate reality to come and take her away from her actual reality. The idea of the existence of vampires makes Lana feel hopeful. It’s all she has left to hold onto. She dreams of them taking her away from here and making her an immortal. She wouldn’t hesitate to go. This is just another reason for everyone to find her to be a crazy loon. She was a blood obsessed, vampire believing cutter. That was what she had become. Lana’s thoughts were interrupted by the sudden realization that someone was standing by the streetlamp across the road from her house. It appeared to be a figure of a young looking man. She could only make out a shadowy form of his features. He had obnoxiously long free flowing hair that was whipping around in the night air, and he was wearing a long trench coat. Lana felt her heart skip a beat as she came to the realization that he was staring directly up at her. The insecure feeling that he may be looking directly at her made her turn away for only a second. When she mustered up the strength to look again, he was gone. The streetlamp where he had previously stood only a moment before looked so desolate now. “Where could he have gone off to so quickly?” She wondered. This occurrence made her heart race with the idea that a vampire had visited her finally. She wanted so much to believe in that idea. She imagined him climbing up into her bedroom window and stealing her away in the middle of the night.



Lana logged onto her computer at about 2:00am. Sleep didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight, so she decided to kill time until sleep won her over. She skimmed through every vampire group she was a part of on the web.. She even went to A.R. Price’s official website. Then she decided to check her email. There were eighteen new messages. That seemed a little strange to her. She had a pretty good junk mail filter installed and her former friends had stopped trying to contact her for some time now. For a second, she hoped that one of the emails was from Stacey, but that was only a passing fancy. She clicked on the inbox icon and found herself staring at a list of emails all with the same subject matter “none”. She was hesitant on opening them. She was weary about emails that didn’t contain a return address or a subject. She had good reason to be. Four months ago her computer had contracted an ugly virus just because she opened a shady email similar looking to these. Vivienne had to take Lana’s computer to a repair shop to de-bug it. That was quite a hassle. Vivienne also warned her she was not going to get it fixed if it happened again. She took a deep breath and opened the first email on the list in spite of it all.



It was just some spam about refinancing a mortgage. Junk mail! Lana opened the next email a little more readily. This was an invitation to a website that was listed as private. She was pleased to see it was listed as vampire themed. The name of the group was a little questionable, “Gabriel’s Seduction”. But still, it was a vamp site and of course she would join. She clicked on the icon to enter the site and there was a disclaimer in bold letters there. It read as follows: You have chosen to enter of your own free will. Entering here qualifies as a virtual invitation. You no longer retain the freedom to reject any advances. Life will be forever changed, and forever- beyond this point. “What a strange and deranged disclaimer for a website”, Lana thought. Yet she found it somewhat amusing and intriguing. She figured it was probably there to try and add authenticity and to weed out the wimps who accidently stumbled upon this site without proper invitation. She clicked the icon to agree to the terms and conditions and then clicked the arrow to move onto the next page. When the next page fully loaded she found herself staring into the screen at the most beautiful man she had ever laid her eyes on. He was attired in the most gorgeous gothic clothing. He had on a tight fitting mesh shirt that suited his physique perfectly. His pants were flamboyant red velvet. His hair was longer than Lana’s shoulder length locks. It was a silky, beautiful blue black, and it was so shiny that you could see light reflecting through each strand. He was seated in a lovely throne-like chair that was of gold velvet looking material. Below his alluring figure was the name of the site once again, this time in full animated color, “Gabriel’s Seduction”. Lana felt her heart skip a beat. “This beautiful creature had to be a vampire or a very good imitator”, Lana thought. She knew full well about all the crazies out there that liked to pretend they were vampires and drink blood for the kick of it. She wanted to look more into this site and find more out about this lovely one named Gabriel, but she had just noticed the time on the bottom right hand of her computer and it was nearly 4:00am. She decided that she would bookmark the site and look at it tomorrow. She knew Vivienne would be banging on her door at 20 till 7 to wake her up for school. She logged out of her computer and laid down in bed. It felt like no sooner that her head hit the pillow; the hideous banging on her door violently woke her. “I’m up!” She yelled out so Vivienne would stop the God awful banging on her door. She laid there a good ten minutes dreading the day ahead of her. This was Friday. Fridays were never good for Lana. Each Friday, King High School had assembly during 5th period. Lana grew to dreading it so much over the duration school year. It never failed that during 5th period assembly, Iris Morgan and her nasty cohorts deliberately hunted Lana down and relentlessly messed with her. Iris and her click were not exactly the most popular click at King High, but they were able to stay relevant with the cool kids by stomping on the kids who were different or stood out at all. Iris took a particular disliking to her when Lana changed her look at the beginning of the school year.



Vivienne dropped Lana off two blocks from the high school at Lana’s usual request. Lana contemplated skipping class, but she really didn’t know of any particular place to go. She figured there was probably too much hassle involved in that idea. She was also afraid that Ms. Kemp would raise a big stink about it. Her first stop in the school was at her locker. It was still right next to Stacey Townsend’s, her former best friend. Lana hurried to get her books to avoid that uncomfortable encounter she’d inevitably have with Stacey if she stuck around any longer than she had to. As she slammed her locker shut, she realized it was too late. Stacey was coming down the hall already with none other than Iris Morgan. They were laughing and carrying on. A heat flashed across the backside of Lana’s neck. She turned and walked off in the opposite direction as fast as she could without calling attention to herself. “How the hell could life get any worse?” She thought to herself. She barreled into the girl’s bathroom only seconds before the last bell rang for 1st period to start. It was expectedly empty. She climbed to the top of a stall where there was an overhang in front of a small frosted glass window. She was able to maneuver herself into the corner of that windowsill and hide there for as long as she needed to. She stayed there huddled in the corner for the rest of the school day. It was a relief for her to skip fifth period assembly, for this week at least.



After some time passed, she must have fallen asleep because she was startled awake by the four o’ clock bell that let school out for the day. She suddenly remembered the horrible nightmare that she was having while she had slept only moments before. She dreamt that she was killing people. She was killing all the people that she could ever think of knowing. She had Mark’s hunting knife and she was walking calmly from one person to the next slashing their throats, even Vivienne’s. She was ashamed of how exhilarated it made her feel to watch the blood gush from her victims’ throats. She felt someone there with her sharing in her perverse exhilaration. She just never exactly saw who it had been. Lana knew there would be hell to pay when Ms. Kemp would surely call Vivienne about her skipping classes today, but she didn’t really care anymore. It didn’t matter to her if the whole world fell down on her at this point.



Lana waited out in front of the school until 5:10pm for Vivienne to pick her up. After an hour and ten minutes passed by she decided to start walking the three miles home. As she was walking, she felt like she was being watched. It felt a lot like she was being followed. She looked all around and it seemed as if everywhere she looked there were prying eyes scrutinizing her every move. She was scared inside, but nowhere near ready to admit such a silly idea. Lana kept a steady pace and made it to her street at about 15 till 7. It was already well past sunset and pitch dark as she entered the house. She was relieved to be home because by the time she made it onto her street she was sure that someone was following her. She kept seeing a shadow disappear and reappear closely behind her. She fumbled around in the darkness until she found the light switch in the living room.



She turned on the light only to find Vivienne passed out on the couch. She was walking over to Vivienne to yell at her for forgetting to pick her up when she noticed there was something very amiss. Vivienne was badly hurt or even worse possibly. On the way to the hospital in the ambulance, all Lana could do was sit in the corner and watch the EMT try to revive her mother’s still heart.. “It had to have been Mark who did this”, Lana thought to herself. This is what Mark had always threatened when he and Vivienne would get into their knock down, drag out fights that had been happening more and more recently. Lana felt so guilty for not being there to stop it from happening. She hated herself for it. She felt sick for having a dream of doing the very same thing to Vivienne. It was hard for Lana to look at her mother lying there on the gurney. She was still losing so much blood and it seemed like there was no end to the constant bleeding. Vivienne’s throat was sliced from one side to the other. This looked very bad for her.



Lana was waiting for the worst. The EMTs rushed Vivienne into the ER with Lana following closely behind. A nurse stopped Lana at the OR doorway.. “Please remain in the waiting area. Someone will let you know something as soon as possible”. The nurse looked at Lana with such pity it made Lana sick to her stomach. She couldn’t deal with the situation. She ran back out the ER doors into the open night air. She needed to breathe fresh air and get herself together. She felt the heat rush into her face like two hot irons striking her cheeks. She fell to the ground right around the corner from the hospital. As she laid there wetting the pavement with her tears, she noticed a pair of shoes directly in front of her. They were fancy, large designer shoes. The kind you see in fashion magazines that not too many people actually ever wear. The sudden appearance of these feet in front of her was startling. She looked up to see who was standing before her. She was taken back for a second. She couldn’t believe her eyes. It was the man from that website “Gabriel’s Seduction”. She thought her mind had snapped and her eyes were playing games with her. He was so beautiful, but in a strikingly unsettling way. He was dressed much like his image on the internet site. He looked very Euro-Goth. Although, this time there was a more tangible quality to him. He extended his porcelain hand to Lana to help her get up off of the cement. She did the only thing that came to her mind and accepted his hand. He smiled at her angelically when she took his hand. She instantly withdrew her hand in reaction to his ice cold touch.



She quickly lunged herself up off the ground on her own and ran past the gothic angel that was just staring at her with the most tragic eyes. She ran back into the hospital to find out about her mother. “Why did I even leave the hospital? What kind of horrible person am I?” She thought to herself as she was running back inside. She ran all the way to the OR doors and found the nurse who had blocked her entry before. The nurse was pointing at Lana and telling a doctor something quietly in his ear. The doctor approached her with a look that only meant one thing. It hit her like a ton of bricks. It seemed like suddenly everything was happening around her in an awkward slow motion. “I’m very sorry to inform you about the passing of your mother Miss Kelly. We did all that we could. Your mother just lost too much blood.” “It couldn’t be true, not Vivienne”, Lana thought. She was just yelling at Lana that very morning and now she lay dead on an operating table with a slit throat, and Mark still lived, walking around as a free man. Lana’s world was surely crashing down on her now. She wanted it all to be over. If she had the strength to take her own life in that second, she would have. She turned and ran back out of the hospital once again into the night. She had no idea where she was running to. She just ran until she could no longer breathe and she had to stop for air. She felt a low guttural pain in her side that made her have to bend down and throw up. She cleaned her mouth with her sleeve and looked around at the street in front of her.

Dying to be Dead - Part 1 - Chapter 1 - It's in the Blood

(Below is an excerpt of my story Dying to be Dead Pt. 1) (I am currently searching for a literary agent. Wish me luck!)        

 Lana Kelly had changed so dramatically in the last six months, to the point that everyone around her was worried. Her mother Vivienne thought that for sure she was on drugs. Her stepdad Mark was too drunk to notice anything. Lana’s mom had decided to get the counselor at her high school involved. Lana had been called in last period, every afternoon for two weeks now to talk to Ms. Kemp; King High school’s whacked out, save the world guidance counselor. Lana sat there in Ms. Kemp’s office in a rock hard chair, a lot like the kind you find in laundromats. She looked around at the mostly bare, generic looking walls. There was nothing more on them than a couple of pictures in frames, and a diploma of some kind. One of the pictures was of Ms. Kemp and some younger woman with bad teeth. Lana stared at the picture noticing that Ms. Kemp looked quite a bit like a bug. You know the look, the kind with bulging eyes far apart and a sharp nose, and an unnaturally small mouth. Lana’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her mother on the other side of the door talking to Ms. Kemp. The door opened suddenly and Ms. Kemp walked in. She shut the door behind her leaving Vivienne to have to resort to eavesdropping. Ms. Kemp sat down at her desk and was looking over some papers that were there. She looked up soon after and said “Well Lana, I’ve been going over a list of teen addict warning signs. Let me share some of it with you. (Your child may be on drugs if they – 1. They have had a dramatic change in appearance.) Ms. Kemp looked up scrutinizing with those buggy eyes at Lana. (2. They have had a sudden change in behavior.) – Buggy eyes again. (3. They have distanced themselves from friends and loved ones.) – There were those eyes again. Lana, this does not look good”, Ms. Kemp announced when she finished reading off the list. “I don’t care what it looks like. I’m no junkie lady”, said Lana defiantly. “We’re not accusing you of anything; it’s just that your mother and Stacey are quite worried about you.” “Stacey! You’re kidding! Stacey ratted me out? Lana covered her face in anguish. She couldn’t believe that Stacey, who was suppose to be her best friend in the world, had sided with her mother and was trying to cause trouble for her. Lana knew exactly what this was all about. She had grown distant from Stacey over the past year and Stacey had a hard time accepting that fact. Lana never had any personal animosity towards Stacey. Lana just had her own problems and her own way of dealing with them. Besides, Stacey had already started hanging out with a whole new crowd a long time ago. Obviously Stacey was out for revenge here. While Lana was contemplating all of this, Ms. Kemp just kept rattling on. “You hardly look like the same girl that started school here back in September. You had such lovely, long blonde hair, and now it is as black as coal. And your manner of dressing is just not acceptable. You cannot live out Halloween on a daily basis”, stated Ms. Kemp. Just then, Vivienne entered without even a knock. “So have we gotten anywhere? Vivienne asked. ‘I’m sorry Ms. Kelly, I’ve been trying to get Lana to open up to me for two weeks now, and only hostility comes from her. She speaks of delusional characters and immortality. I cannot make any real sense of it. It is in my professional opinion that Lana be put under psychiatric care”, said Ms. Kemp. “What are you saying? My daughter’s crazy? Asked Vivienne frantically. “Not at all Ms. Kelly, this is just a dramatic time in a young person’s life. Some just need a little more guidance along the way, and medication may also erase some of the growing pains”, said Ms. Kemp.




On the drive home, Vivienne was furious. “How could you put the family through this?” asked Vivienne. “How could I... her voice trailed off, never mind”, said Lana. Lana just turned her head and stared off out the window at the blur of the passing trees. She needed to tune her mother out or she would truly go off on her. How dare her mother accuse her of putting her family through turmoil when nearly every night her wanna-be father drives home pissing drunk, stumbles into the house and beats the crap out of her mother Vivienne. More than once, Lana had to step in and stop Mark from killing her mom. Yet Vivienne’s way of dealing with it all is to just pretend none of it ever happened. Four years of this horrid home life and Lana dreams of a way out. Lana figured there was no use in trying to explain this to anyone.



Vivienne’s old, rusted Chevy Cavalier barely makes it up the driveway. ‘Damn, I hate this car”, Vivienne said as she cut the motor off. Vivienne turned and tried to reach out for Lana to hug her, but Lana fumbled with the door handle and jumped out of the car as fast as she could and ran to the sanctuary of her pathetic little bedroom. She couldn’t stand the thought of hugging Vivienne. She didn’t want to be close to her anymore. Lana was ready to leave all human companionship behind. She threw herself on her bed and tried to cry. She just couldn’t do it. She felt nothing inside, numb. Lana reached for the pocketknife she kept in her bedside table drawer. She opened it hesitantly, knowing full well what she craved to do next. She turned the knife from side to side inspecting the serrated grooves on the blade. This had been one of Mark’s hunting knives, or had been rather, from back when he used to hunt. All he ever did now was get drunk and violent. The knife was highly sharp, meant to tear flesh from bone. It only took one small scrape across Lana’s forearm for the blood to flow rapidly. There was such a release when she cut herself. It was like she was freeing all the trapped emotions that were so deep inside she couldn’t feel them anymore. This pain was so familiar and comforting. She was in control of this pain. No analyzing needed to be done here. Lana knew there may be hell to pay for cutting herself in plain sight on her arm like this, but she didn’t care this time. She usually did them on inconspicuous spots throughout her body. This time she’d make up some lie about how it happened, that is, if anyone even noticed at all. Lana had become an expert of sorts on the cuttings. She had learned exactly how hard to slice the knife across her skin without causing any real permanent damage. She was really bleeding quite a lot this time, but it felt good, and she was sure it would stop soon. The blood was so bright red and warm as it flowed out over her arm. She smoothed her hand across it and smeared it all over her face and neck, covering herself in it. It felt somewhat like a warm, protective blanket to her. She understood the blood like nothing else she ever knew. “Maybe I’m crazy”, she thought. She stood in front of her full length mirror looking at the spectacle she had made of herself. “What have I allowed myself to become?” she wondered. She figured that anyone in their right mind would not find this behavior normal, and the world around her didn’t even know the half of it. She wasn’t ready to give this up. The blood had already started drying up and crusting around the corners of her eyes and the nostrils of her nose. It almost looked as if she had been painted red like a football fanatic cheering for their favorite team. Looking at herself in the mirror usually brought Lana out of her blood episodes. The image in front of her really frightened her. She could see that she was really losing control of the situation. Every time she would cut, it was a little deeper and a little harder.

The cuttings seemed to be taking over her. She had a desperate need to feel the burning warmth as the blood flowed out of her. It took away the numbness every time. She pulled out an old, dirty towel from under her bed that she had stashed for just this purpose and she tore it down the middle. She wrapped half of it around her wounded arm tightly, and tied the other half of it on top of that one, covering the wound, and acting like a tourniquet. She almost forgot about the knife. She had absentmindedly left it lying on her bed, still open. Lana wiped the knife clean, closed it up carefully, and tossed it on top of her bedside table. She had to carefully sneak to the bathroom to wash the blood away before anyone would find out what she did to herself again. As she washed the blood from her body, she became entranced just watching the reddened water trickle down the drain. She stood there for the longest time just letting the water fall all over her until it ran clear. When she finally got out and got dressed she saw that her wound had started bleeding again. She reached under the bathroom sink and pulled out a first aid kit. Lana bandaged her cut and then looked into the bathroom mirror at her appearance. She was relieved that she had grabbed a long sleeved, black tee shirt from her closet to put on after her shower. Now all she had to do was pull down her sleeves and forget the whole nasty ordeal. She could hardly even feel the sting and wetness that existed beneath the hidden bandage on her arm. But inside, it was hard to forget what she had just done. She died a little more inside each time she did this.. She had become consumed by it. She didn’t want to die really. She knew that with each passing day, she was a little closer to death, inside and out. She always pushed herself a little further over the edge every time she cut herself.



Thankful that she made it back to her room without being bothered by anyone, she locked her door and threw herself across her bed. Lana noticed her copy of A.R. Price’s “Vampire Memoirs” was still lying on her bedside table by where the knife was. She had left it there the night before after she had stayed up late reading it. She had been having more and more trouble sleeping lately. Although, she had no trouble falling asleep in class at school. Lana was so caught up in the alternative reality that A.R. Price’s “Vampire Memoirs” gave her. She fantasized that the vampires were real, and that A.R. Price was only a penman and cover for their protection. Most of her free time was devoted to reading about vampires or joining every vampire community online.

My Top Ten Pick of Favorite Vampire Movies of All Time

There is something enduring about the vampire that goes beyond their supposed immortality. They live on in our hearts and imaginations. Who doesn't love a good vampire flick? Hell, I even enjoy a cheesy vampire movie every now and then.These are my picks of the top ten best vampire movies of all time. I'm going to cheat here. If the movies had sequels and I liked them, I'm throwing them together on the list.

• 10.) Blade, Blade II: Bloodhunt, Blade III: Trinity

• 9.) Twilight
  

• 8.) Subspecies: The Epic Collection
  

• 7.) Underworld: Trilogy
  

• 6.) Nosferatu (1922)
  

• 5.) From Dusk Till Dawn
  

• 4.) Dracula (1931)
  

• 3.) Queen of the Damned
  

• 2.) Bram Stoker's Dracula
  

• 1.) Interview With A Vampire
  

AFI's Medicate Video

Well, I saw the new AFI Medicate video yesterday. I've been so busy with my writing that I hadn't had the time to check in on the AFI goings-on. Thanks to all my DF friends, I got the heads up that Yahoo posted the new video already. I heard some bad critiques on it from some people, but I loved it personally. I'm so glad the boys are back. Davey looks cool in his new style. It's kinda Moz meets George Michaels if you ask me, which I think suits him for now. Tell me I didn't just nail the looks that inspired him. I believe I did. Anyway, uhh the video was great. I got chills seeing AFI in action again. I hope it does well, but if not, I'll still love it. Toward the end of the video, did you notice how Jade really kicked ass on that guitar riff? I knew he was talented but he was really showcasing it.

I am loving Crash Love. I love the way that AFI progresses and matures in their sound with every album. People who hate on them for that just don't get it. Everyone changes, why can't they? It has helped them to last in the competitive music industry. If you want, tell me what you think of Crash Love and the new Medicate video. Oh, and here's the video if you haven't seen it yet. Link to Medicate video by AFI